Instead of a "New Year's Resolution", I decided my goal for 2015 would be to make our baby my top priority. I wouldn't stress about not keeping up on creative endeavors and blog entries and home projects. Most of that energy would be given to our new little one, sweet Hansi. It's been even more wonderful than I could have imagined.
I've read so many articles, books, and blog posts on motherhood, and I have nothing new to say that hasn't been said before. Everyone's baby is different, every mother is different, each journey is unique and to be treasured.
While my excitement for carrying a child trumped most of my pregnancy's side affects (nausea, incurable headaches and allergies, sleeplessness, a growing body-well, two, and uncontrollable bladder), the end of my pregnancy and labor were more difficult and painful than I could have prepared myself for. I thought I was so tough, I mean, I ran a half marathon without taking any walking breaks! I barely slept at all during my college years! I'd been through weight changes and major emotional struggles. I could totally do this. One friend even told me she wished she would relive the labor and delivery of her son everyday if it was possible. But for me, this was a horse of another color. In fact, it was a whole other animal. I had heard such a variety of labor and delivery stories from friends in preparation, but they all quickly faded when I was crouched in the corner of a hospital bathroom, sobbing with mascara running down my cheeks afraid that my baby would be stuck inside me forever. But the point I'm trying to make here is, so much beauty can come from pain.
Before I knew it, he had joined us in this world. And all I could think about was how beautiful he was, and how I couldn't wait to share with him all the beauty I knew. For Danny and I to explore and adventure with him. And just as those last few weeks were harder than anyone had let on, the first few weeks and months have been so much easier than I imagined. I was blessed with a great physical recovery and a wonderful baby who sleeps at night and is full of smiles and cooing in the daytime. It's not easy persay, but it's so worth it. We are rewarded with such joy and new depths of relationship, with our son and with each other. Even my relationship with my own mother has grown immeasurably.
In the last 3 months, I feel that I have become the woman God created me to be. Wife to Danny and mother to Hans. More love and patience flow from me than I realized I was capable of. If "Pop" is home and I run to the grocery store alone, I miss my baby. Hans fits so well into our life that it really is tough to remember days and nights without him. He makes our family a family, and I couldn't be who I am without him.
To all the mamas out there... Happy Mother's Day. You are doing a great job, and you fill this world with so much love and beauty.